Life is kinda funny some times.  With the help of some friends I have learned some things that have brought me full circle with regards to confidence, strength and serenity.  God, how powerful is that?  Here is the deal.  Last November our family separated when my wife accepted a one year detail out of state.  In the front end we were all in mutual agreement that it was a fantastic opportunity.  We said our goodbyes and a short time later the wheels kind of fell off of my world.  Having had the role of husband for over 22 years and Dadio for the last 17 I really wasn’t prepared for the removal of a significant source of my personal validation.  I thought I was going through a mid life crisis or something but I don’t think that is what it was.  I have kind of tried to blog about expectations and relationships a few times and was not very successful at it.  (At least as a means of personal therapy!)

          So there you have it, I’m using you.  This blog is nothing if not a journal for my angst and an outlet for life’s victories.  So let me lay back on your couch and I will tell you what I think I have learned.  So much of our lives can get wrapped up in planning, what-ifs and the resultant expectations.  That can cause us to worry about things we can’t do anything about or worse yet set us up for disappointment if stuff doesn’t fall into place the way we had hoped or imagined.  While that concept is easy enough to grasp it is harder to stop doing.  Sometimes people don’t have the same feelings you have for a particular idea or recounting or perhaps they don’t respond in ways that you had hoped.  Those stumbling blocks can get in the way of your serenity if the person is right next to you or in my case if they are 1000 miles away.

          Sometimes we think that those significant in our lives should obviously understand what we want or need.  When they don’t get it or respond in ways which seem obvious to us we can start to think that something is wrong with them or question our own wants and needs.  Reality is that all of us are different and none of us react the same to any stimuli.  Once you start to question other people’s perceptions, actions or reactions you begin a ride on the slipperiest of slopes.  It leads to frustrations, self doubt or anger and none of those are places we want to be. 

          There are a million cliché’s that are available to help us with this all too human problem.  “Live in the moment”, “Easy does it”, “One day at a time”, and the darker, “Hope for the best and expect the worst”.  All of those are practical for a variety of situations but none of them really tell you how to get in a place that helps you have peace of mind.  What came to me the other day from hearing a friend recount some issues in his own life was “surrender”.  Events in his life left him not knowing how he should feel about his situation.  Anger, sadness, disappointment, and detachment had all failed him to the point where he claims he just surrendered.  He gave up on deciding how to feel about the situation. 

          Once we learn to surrender to the resultant roller coaster of feelings from looking to others and their reactions with us we can begin to live in our own world; a world focused on improving our performance at work and in our relationships; a world where we can focus on our own wants and needs.  That will project confidence, strength and serenity.  It is a better place to be.

Song of the Day Credit: Steely Dan East St. Louis Toodle-oo

          Did I mention Bank of America sucks?  I did?  Good.  I talked with customer service again today.  My rant about their superior customer service must have brought them to their knees because there was none of that "home of superior customer service" talk tonight.  They were back to regular polite and incompetent service.  I was able to accomplish what I wanted to accomplish tonight but that was after the lady told me I was delinquent for my June 8^th payment.  You would have been proud of me because I was able to remain calm as I asked her what month she thought this was.  She apologized and said that she had looked at the screen wrong.  I tell ya.  I’ve had it with those monkeys.  A check for payment in full went in the mail tonight.  It cost me about $50 for a cash advance fee on my other credit card but a guy can only put up with so much stupidity.  I am going to miss the batting eyelashes of cashiers when I pull out the “Platinum” card however.  I guess now I am only golden.  So it goes.

          My son had an interesting day at school today.  I was so proud of him that I asked him to write it up for posting.  Here is what he wrote: 

            I am now asking anyone that is in a position to do so to stand up for the rights and equal treatment of all people in the world because life is to damn short to hate anyone."

          The boy has had quite a week.  Check out this email I received from his history teacher on Tuesday:

“...Also, I have some excellent news for you.  Clayton was one of two discussion leaders in my class today, on the topic of illegal immigration and President Bush's new immigration and border proposals.  I was absolutely stunned at the quality of Clayton's leadership and direction of the class.  He completely took the lead and conducted and facilitated the entire class discussion independently and skillfully.  Clayton has always been a real leader in our class, and is articulate and thoughtful in his work and comments.  Today, however, I feel Clayton really did a fantastic job.  It takes a lot of courage to get up in front of the class and conduct it like a teacher.  Clayton did just that!”

          And to top it all off, this morning he won free movie passes to see the local premiere of The DaVinci Code from a local radio station.  The kid’s Karma is up, way up.  He was a little bummed to discover the premier is at 10:00 on Friday while he is scheduled to be in school.  I could be kind enough to take the tickets off his hands for him but nah, I think he deserves a reward for this weeks demonstrations of character.  I took the morning off from work and am going to try to join him.  Oh, and by the way.  My son may have been outsized by the bully in his story but as a 145 pound high school wrestler my son knows how to take care of himself.  I think bully boy got off pretty easy today.

          I towed my Harley to Florida one spring because it was the only way I could include the Harley in a "family" vacation.  That last sentence was a necessary disclaimer as I am not one of those guys who loads his Hog on a trailer and jumps out of his mini-van five miles out, unloads the bike and rolls into town like he’s hard core.  In fact I never quite understood the popularist mystique of Harley riders.  Many okay, most, modern day Harley riders work so hard at projecting a rebel image that they don’t even notice they fall into a subset of conformists extraordinaire.  You know who they are.  They are the CPA's and lawyers who wear clip on pony tails.  I call them posers.  My six year old son calls them Twinkies.  God, I love that boy.     

          So strong is my aversion to the guys who dress up to ride their Harleys as if they were going to a masquerade party, that in the early years of my Harley riding I did everything I could to look anti biker.  The wardrobe I chose to set that image was built around those fashion sensations of the 80’s, Zubida pants.  You know the ones.  Wild colors, light weight and baggy.  That was my style.  They are still around in a modified style to this day.  If my fashion nomenclature is currect they are now called pajama pants.  The difference between pajama pants and Zubida pants is that the latter had elastic around the ankles.  Those Zubida’s were available, back in the day, in skulls and flames and such but I would have none of that.  I sought out the wildest, brightest paisley patterns I could find.  One particular favorite ensemble I owned was a pair of sky-blue, turquoise, aqua and chartreuse paisley Zubida’s and a hot pink knit shirt.  .

          My brother used to live in St. Augustine Florida and the plan was to take the family to Disney World and while we were in the Sunshine State sneak in some riding.  We did the mouse, we did the beach and we took in the sights of St. Augustine.  Then my brother and I went to Orlando where we rented a bagger from the local Harley shop and made our way to Key West.  Until you get to the Keys riding in Florida is a lot like riding in Nebraska.  We did manage to find some excitement in Miami on a gas stop however.  We pulled off the freeway and while we were gassing up a local asked us if we were idiots.  It seemed we had picked a very bad neighborhood to pull into with shiny new Harley’s and one bearing out of state plates.  At that point I began to look around and the neighborhood did have a feel of a set in a post apocalypse movie.  The local recommended we get back up on the freeway as quickly as possible and avoid the area on our return trip.  Yeah, yeah whatever!  As we waited for the light on the access road a car pulled up beside us.  As I examined the front quarter panel I saw that it was riddled with bullet holes.  Now, back in Iowa I knew people who had bullet holes all over their vehicles as well.  The only difference was, back in Iowa, those bullet holes were decals that they put on to make themselves look tough.  I looked over at my brother, back to the bullet riddled car, and back to my brother.  He nodded an understanding nod and as soon as the light turned green we wasted no time in hitting the freeway.  We were doing  90 before we even cleared the on ramp.

          Finally we made it to the Keys and found a motel.  The next morning we were up early and went out for a ride to check out the town.  We were cruising around when my eye caught sight of a big-time camera crew filming in the street by the beach.  This was no ordinary news crew.  The production looked to be very serious.  I saw what appeared to be a chance for film immortality.  I swung my turn wide and noisily rolled my Harley as close to the film crew as possible.  Well, maybe a little closer.  The camera man actually had to take a couple of steps back to get out of my way.  My bike at the time, The Red Hog, was a tricked out custom with a paint job done by Scott Takes of the Discovery Channels Biker Build-Off series fame.  I loved it because the camera man focused in on me as I came around the corner and he bent down to get a close-up of my paint job. 

          The next morning we were making our way up the keys as the sun broke the Atlantic horizon. We were treated to the most spectacular sun rise I had ever seen in my life.  I was very much into the whole experience we had had and yet I longed for knowledge of what that film crew had been all about.  I wondered if I would ever find out, if I had missed my 15 minutes of fame?

Song Credit: Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville

          Bow down before me Bank of America!  Prepare to feel the full wrath of the Red Hog Diary crash upon you and your paltry billions of dollars in annual earnings.  Once I am done with you, your financial statements will be a shadow of their former selves as dozens of dollars are ripped from your earnings statements. 

          As I prepare for my East Coast Harley Tour I am trying to make arrangements to have all my ducks in a row so while I am gone I can focus on fun.  One of the things I attempted to do this evening was get my first of the month bills paid.  I attempted to log on to the Bank of America website to make my June payment but through my own fault could not get logged in.  I had forgotten my pin number. No problem, I called the number on my statement and told them my problem and asked them to email me my password.  During that completely asinine bullshit procedure where you have to choose English or Spanish then enter your card number, zip code, social security number, weight, height, waist size and mothers maiden name I was able to experience the Bank of America's vision of superior customer service.  I went through the routine where you select one for balance inquiries, two for payment address, three for account history, four for your horoscope, yadda yadda yadda.  Once you get through that you can push 87 to have your choices repeated because you fell asleep waiting for your prompt to come up.  Finally you find your menu option and re enter your card number, zip code, social security number, weight, height, waist size and your mothers’ maiden name.  During all of this the option came up to make my payment by phone.  Wahoo!  So I punched in an equivalent number of digits and then some to give them my checking account information.  I was relieved when I got the prompt to select one if the repeated information was correct.  I punched one and then they said, “There will be a $10 fee charged to your card for this transaction.”  Select one to accept or two to return to the previous menu.  TWO!

          I started pounding the 0 key in desperation to talk to a reasonable human to explain to me how they thought it was even logical to charge me $10 to pay them.  Assholes.  Here is where the fun started.  “Please hold the line while we connect you our customer service representative.  We are committed to superior customer service at Bank of America. Thank you for your patience.”  Switching noises clattered and then, “Hi, This is Carol, how may I provide superior customer service for you today?”  “Hi Carol, I seem to have forgotten my pin…?” “Excuse me Mr. Wilcox, before you continue, may I verify your card number, zip code, social security number, weight, height, waist size and your mothers maiden name?”  I did.  “Thank you Mr. Wilcox, now how may I provide superior Bank of America customer service for you today?”  “I seem to have forgotten my pin.  Can you send it to the email address of record on my account?” “I am sorry Mr. Wilcox I am not authorized to do that but if you would like our internet support line…”  AARGH! “No thank you Carol.  It would show remarkably wonderful service to me if you would accept my payment by phone and not charge me $10 for the honor of collecting additional fees.."  “I am sorry Mr. Wilcox, if you pay over the phone there is a $10 fee assigned to your credit card.  There are no exceptions.”  “So you can not waive the fee for a payment and you can not send me my password so I can make my payment online?”  “No sir.”  “Exactly how is that superior customer service, Carol?”  “I’m sorry Mr. Wilcox, is there anything else I can do for you today?”  “No, Carol, you have been all to helpful already.”  “Thank you for doing business with Bank of America, Mr. Wilcox”  “Um, Carol, about your superior customer service?  It sucks!”  “I’m sorry you feel that way Mr. Wilcox.  Have a nice day.”  Click.

          OH YEAH!  IT IS ON NOW!  Here is what we are going to do.  You my readers, all six of you!  If you have accounts with Bank of America…nah, I’m too tired. 

          None of this would not have been a big deal had the “superior” customer service rep piece of shit named Carol not maintained a superior, I-don’t-give-a-shit tone through out the entire conversation.  A little empathy would have gone a long way with me.  We have all dealt with them, those puissant-bitter-smells-like-a-wet-dog-no-teeth-gravy-stained-wardrobe-smug-shallow-no-friend-even-their-mother-hates-them-losers who delight in telling you no.  I met another today and I didn’t like it.  Bite me Carol and feel the wrath of the Red Hog.  That’ll teach her and the Corporate Megala Giant piece-of-shit bank she rode in on.

So there I was, sitting at my trusty computer trying to think of an adequately entertaining blog topic for today’s post when my phone rang.  It was my long lost brother of which I am younger and better looking.  It is a good thing to be the sole possessor of a website password.  As the holder of such a security tools I can make ambiguously accurate statements with regards to a comparison of my brothers and my physical attributes without fear of being held accountable.  My brother moved to the Deep South many years ago and has become accustomed to things like beaches and mild winters.  I miss him.  I wish he would move home and be miserable all winter like the rest of us.

          The President just finished his immigration speech.  The pundits are criticizing the President for being long on rhetoric and short on specifics in his speech.  President Bush outlined a five point plan.  The first point on the list involved stronger border security through increased technology and manpower.  That's brilliant! Second the president acknowledged that immigrants are serving an economic niche in our economy and if those immigrants are filling jobs that nobody else wants we should welcome them.  Employers have to love that!  Third President Bush suggested that those here illegally should be allowed a temporary and finite working status and held accountable to the law of the land.  It would be impossible to deport 11 million undocumented workers and we need an accounting of those people which does not disadvantage immigrants who came here lawfully or hope to do so.  The economy likes that.  Fourth immigration reform should provide incentive for temporary, foreign workers to return permanently to their home countries after their visitor status has expired.  Conservatives should like that.  Finally the President said, “All who participate in the temporary worker program must have a job, or, if not living in the United States, a job offer. The legal status granted by this program will last three years and will be renewable -- but it will have an end. Participants who do not remain employed, who do not follow the rules of the program, or who break the law will not be eligible for continued participation and will be required to return to their home.”  Everybody has to like that.

          Okay, those of you who know me, you better sit down.  BRAVO El Presidente’! I heard the President outline a comprehensive plan to a complicated issue that was attentive to the demands of the right for border enforcement and security while still attentive to the realities of the conditions that created the problem in the first place.  The President was sympathetic with the notion that real hard working and contributing people are caught in the cross hairs.  The only thing that I found missing in the plan that I would have liked to see would have been addressing the problems in Mexico that causes their citizens to want to leave in the first place.  Mexico should be pushed to make economic reforms which will benefit their people.  Then they can move up here and remind us how to do that.  Mexico also needs to take some responsibility for guarding the border they share with us.  Kudos’ to the president for suggesting that illegal employers must be held accountable for providing the incentive for undocumented immigration. 

          The critics are lining up on both sides saying that the guest worker provisions amount to amnesty or that the plan is not comprehensive enough with regards to meeting the needs of immigrants who are already here.  I say, (in my most intellectual voice) “SHUT THE HELL UP!”  This was an overview of a comprehensive plan. It is now the job of the Congress to put together the details.  Actual border patrol agents are supportive of the plan as it accelerates plans they had already asked to have phased in over the next five years.  All five elements are essential and we will now see if Congress has the intestinal fortitude to do their jobs.

Song Credit: Santana Europa

          I hope you had a great Mothers Day.  Even if your mother is no longer with you it is good to take pause on a day like yesterday, well everyday in fact, and recollect the sacrifices your mother made that you might end up where you have.  I spent Mothers Day with my Son, Mom, Sister, Niece and two Uncles.  There is something special about that quality family time.  We spent the whole afternoon discussing family history, family current events and some politics.  The underlying message we shared is that we are blessed.  All of we who live in this great time and land are blessed.  There are plenty of difficult events and hard times faced in life but dang, when you really think about it, if we don’t wake up grateful for what this world has provided for us well, there may just be no amount of good fortune that would ever make us happy. 

          When you consider our plight with that of the citizens of Darfur, Iraq or those in the path of the volcano in Indonesia you must pause to consider your good fortune.  Reflections of what could be make complaining about gas prices seem rather silly.  All of that is said to bring up the point that my blogging is becoming cause for some concern for my son.  At 17 he has the whole world in front of him and I think the disgruntled barrage of political commentary I post here may be disheartening to him.  We talked about it on our hour long ride home from “Grandma’s” house today.  It made for quite the perspective check.

          From my perspective there is no better place on the planet to live than the United States of America.  We have our problems but I embrace them because in those problems I still see hope.  If there were no hope I would not begin to take the time to share what I share with regards to things I see that bother me.  We can do better in this already wonderful land and to give up on that hope would make for a very sad state of affairs.  All most all of my ranting revolves around issues of making the world a better place for all individuals.  That to me seems so fundamental to our human nature.  I have trouble understanding how so many decisions and positions are drawn upon objectives which are short of that goal.  When the interests of power and profits are put ahead of those of humanity I cry foul. 

          If you attend services at any one of the major Christian denominations you most likely had readings from the Liturgical Calendar.  The liturgical year is the temporal structure within which the Church celebrates the holy mysteries of Christ.  The second reading of today’s major denominations around the world included; 1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” 21 “And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”  I’m going to try to keep that in mind in my references to our wonderful leaders as they do stupid things over the remainder of the year.  I just hope they will keep it in mind as they decide policy for the War in Iraq, Immigration, our Civil Rights, Health Care, Education and Energy policies.

          Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.  Mom’s always listen, they are quick to hug and they like to laugh.  My mom invested the first 17 years of my life attending to my every need.  She did it with endless generosity, patience and compassion.  Maybe the best thing I can tell my mom to let her know how much I appreciate her sacrifices would be to tell her I like who I have become. 

          I am prone to repeating personal little catch phrases and those who spend any significant amount of time with me no doubt find that annoying.  For instance, early in my marriage my wife and I would ride to town together each day and we passed a sign which said, “Horses Boarded”.  Every time we drove by that sign I would ask, “Who would want their horses boarded?”  My logic was that the horses might not like it so much to have lumber nailed upon them.  Another favorite is in check-out lines where I take great pleasure in asking sales clerks if they take cash.  Others include, “you’ll have that” when something absurd happens or “so I got that going for me” any time a conversation develops one of those uncomfortable pauses. 

          At work, other than the line, “pull my finger” which I love to use in crowded elevators my favorite phrase makes reference to my mother.  I’m one of those guys who can just not go through a door when others are around without holding it open for them.  Perhaps that is some left over habit from my days as a doorman/bouncer when I worked at clubs to earn money for college but for the sake of a Mother’s Day post I will give credit to Mom.  There are several sets of doors between the ramp I park in, the sky walk and the building where I work.  After holding the door open for any variety of harried workers I love to exclaim, as they are passing through the doorway, “My mama raised me right.”  Most people audibly agree with that after so simple of a favor.  I am fairly certain that most of the 1000 or so people who work in my building are aware that my mom did a good job with at least one of her children.  Well, maybe.  If by chance I happen to follow them and join them on an elevator car they may quickly reconsider.  So it goes.

          I received one of those email forwards Saturday which I found appropriate to a day honoring Motherhood.  Here it is;

1. Children, you spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.  Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids, they will choose your nursing home one day.

Nah, Scratch that.  ADVICE FOR THE DAY: CALL YOUR MOTHER

Song Credit:  Aaron Neville Ave Maria